editing the draft

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I will attach the draft I want you to edit and those are the infrastructures:

Introduction and background: 25

At the end of the introduction please give us what you are going to tell us in the rest of the paper ina couple of sentences.

Methodology: 20

What LGO stand for?

-Are you going to conduct all these focus groups, household surveys, key informant interviews,interviewing local government authorities and the others? Or you will use studies which have already conducted these methods? If the second is the case, then indicate it so. Or are there available FGDs? If so indicate their sources.

Literature review: 25

Please change the first couple of sentence of your literature review since they are the same with the first sentences of your problem statement section.

In literature review you can discuss what the literature in general not only the studies on Tanzania tell about the reasons for land conflict. Then you can incorporate or discuss these while you are writing your results.

Research results: 20

Who are these “half of the respondents”?

Why do you say “about half of the respondents WILL report…”? When are they going to report?

Which findings? Please re-write your methodology part to discuss clearly your methods and sources.

I think you have enough information and you did your research very well. But you can re-read and re-write the paragraphs especially in methodology, literature and research results parts. Please give attention to the links between the paragraphs.

Try to write the main argument in the first sentence of the paragraph and then gives details about it. For example, if you argue that co-existence of different types of legal arrangements are the main reason of the conflict, then say so in the first sentence of the paragraph . And then give details about it. You are giving various information in one paragraph and it is difficult to follow. For example, in the paragraph where you are discussing the co-existence of different legal arrangements of land, you also mention the women who are victimized in the same paragraphs. I suggest you re-structure your paragraphs so that it can be more accessible for your readers.


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